From some time now, I have been doing a number of things which I don’t like. And as always, in such times I turn to the people who I love the most and people whose thoughts and advice have an effect on me. Some of them have said ‘you’ll get over this, it’s just a matter of time’ and some ‘you needed this, you have to get out of your own little shell and do things which you don’t like’. The second one I actually find really amusing as I never thought this about myself :D. Some of my loved ones have tried to motivate me trying to remind me of my biggest achievements, my highest times and the person I am when I am at my best. Seriously, to all of you, I owe a lot and thanks for being there, to motivate me, to scold me, and to pump me up in your own unique ways.
But today while coming back from an official visit when I had some good time to think freely, sitting relaxed in the back seat of the cab, I finally found some words and ideas to communicate, to explain what I have been trying to say all this time. To make sense to all the people who matter. The title of this post is the gist of what the feeling is and that is what this post is going to talk more about.
As we all know that when we go through troubled times all of our core value systems, our philosophies, everything you have believed in comes right crashing all around on you. Especially when your troublesome situation is caused by your own actions which were based on exact same philosophies and beliefs. But what needs to be remembered is that these are also the exact things which will take you out of the ‘situation’ and into happiness again. Let me explain how.
I think all of us remember the amazing movie '3 Idiots' with all of its wonderful learnings. One message which stands out int his movie is to do what you like, be excellent in that and success will follow. I want to take it up a notch further. It's not that you can't be successful by doing what you don't really want to. In fact, you might be exceptionally successful in doing something which you hate and you might achieve a lot of name & fame in that. Pats on the back from your bosses and claps from the outsiders. But the feeling that success would give you and the repercussions are worth pondering over. You can make a lot of money doing a job which you hate, selling a product which you think is full of crap or running a business which you don't feel connected to. You can be all comfortable being with the wrong partner, the one that looks great, who is there for you ever time, who may even be the reason of all your successes in the other spheres of your life, but is also the one who you don't love and don't feel high being with. The one with whom you don't feel all the confidence and pride you always knew that you deserve to feel. But both the job and the partner are working out just fine for you. Until one night you are driving home in your BMW with your girl along with you and you see a young couple on a bike just outside your window. They look happy, cheerful and in bliss being with each other. You suddenly want to go back in time. You think that the time was better when you were not this rich, not driving the BMW but used to think of the day when you will get one and you will be the happiest man in this world. The day when you were out there alone but were in peace with the fact that the day will come when you will be with the one who will make your life even more amazing. Now if getting this feeling while sitting in your super comfy car along with the chick beside you is called “Success”, then it will also be the same feeling that will make you feel too crippled to just break the chains and do something to be happy again.
Now I am all for success. I even wrote a whole blog post about it when I first started writing (http://mayankuppal.blogspot.in/2011/03/comfortable-word-to-avoid-for-being.html). But Success has to be on your own terms. If it’s not then you are going to feel more and more miserable with every achievement it brings along. It’s so because with every new achievement what you’ll feel is that I could have done it in my own field of endeavor, in my own way and there too I could have been successful. Real success would be sitting in that BMW and feeling pumped up and proud about it, feeling happy with what you have achieved but also enthusiastic and impatient to get to the next success, to buy your own “Ferrari”. This feeling of getting to the next step you could never get by sulking in your present achievements and successes as they came to you by doing things you never wanted to do.
That’s the reason Vin Diesel in The Fast & The Furious says “Nothing matters unless you have a code”. That’s also the reason that you should not get overwhelmed by other’s life stories, advises (if they can be called so) and reasoning. You got to have your own philosophy, your own code for your life. It has to be something you can live by and die by. Nobody knows you better than you do. And all the success you wish to achieve is all there, only if you move along the path which you decide for yourself and not let ‘unwanted’ people & situations make you do any other way. This is the only way you will feel elated even at the smallest of your successes and calm even at the mind-blowing ones. It will happen because you will know that every decision, every action that you took was the one which was meant to be, decided by yourself, and the success which is being bestowed on you is yours to bask in.
A lot of people I have met want to be super rich but given a choice between working for the Government or the Corporates, they are ready to slog day and night and make money in a company rather than be a Govt. Servant and make even more hell lot of money. This again has a lot to do with your life philosophy, your code. It might not make any sense to someone whose code is to make money by any which way, which is fine given that is his personal choice. But for someone who wants to make it big doing what he likes and feeling proud about it, the idea of getting money, gifts & sundries just in turn of doing what one’s anyway supposed to do doesn't seem exciting enough. The first guy might end up with the whole bunch of goods in a very short time, but the spark will wither and the spirit will die. No more will the face be full of charm and voice full of enthusiasm which is when you succeed at what you like.
Similarly your current situation (job/love life/fill in the blank) might be the one which looks ideal to other people. People around you might say how good it is, how much growth is there, how much comforts & luxuries you are getting but if you’re not happy, change it. Change it coz you’re not a tree, so don’t just keep standing. If you keep on doing something just because you are talented at it or it makes you good money, you are no more than a slave to your talents and comforts. Fight for what you want, go for it and be successful in what you and only you choose for your life. Chris Gardener, the legend himself once said – Find out what you like, what makes you excited each morning and then work hard to be the best in it. And while doing it, never forget your roots. Trust me, this advice works.
Ultimately, what I understand is that we as humans don’t run after material things like money, cars, big houses, a certain partner, per se. What we chase are FEELINGS. We pursue all of the above things in order to make us feel a certain way. In order to make us feel more happy, more powerful, more content, more ambitious, more giving, more loving and ready to be more receiving. Money inherently has no value, it’s valuable because of the dreams it lets us fulfill. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. Chase the feeling. Do what you think is going to make you feel better, feel happier being alive doing what you are doing. If something has a lot of niceties to offer but doesn't make you feel that certain way you know you ought to be feeling, believe me you are better off letting it go away ….!!
To a new journey towards personal goals and
self-fulfillment ….. CHEERS !!!