“COMFORTABLE” – A word to avoid for being Successful

Now why would I start this post by making a statement that has got two beautiful words, comfortable and successful, but not in a complementing way but by juxtaposing them! Well, that’s the way it is. This morning I was remembering an incident which happened way back when I was a child but somehow struck me today while I was just... let’s say relaxing. About of age 8 or 9, I was in car with my mom & dad in my home town and there on our way came a big store – which was closed permanently now. Dad told me that he used to know the guy who opened this store and that he belonged to a well-to do family, a standard that guy achieved on his own not having any kind of pedigree with him. Dad added that this is what happens when you take unnecessary risks or be too ambitious. Now this is what most of our parents would have said coming across such a story, called it a “failure”.

And here it was, a failure that should have been celebrated, for the sheer entrepreneurial spirit and unborrowed vision of a store that has never existed in the city, being called a failure and looked down upon. But why did it happen so? The answer lies in having a sense of comfort in your life. That day my parents, or most times most of the people in life want to live in a false sense of being comfortable. To them, being comfortable is more important than to win. They do not want to take risks, partly because they are scared of winning, of the mind boggling success that could blow their minds off, but most of the times to continue being comfortable, not to come out of the shell and feel the pulse of the world because that little shell is “good enough” to carry on rest of the life. And so by looking down upon and enjoying such failures of others, everyone gains a false sense of complacency that their way of life, of not taking risks and being comfortable is after all the right way to live. May be this is a kind of thinking which happens as a  result of the collectivist and socialist culture our Indian society has been through for a long time. But whatever may be the reasons; this needs to change for good.

I see young people, teenagers in schools, and I see a spark in them. The same spark that Chetan Bhagat referred to in his famous Symbiosis speech. The same spark that Kareena Kapoor had in Jab We Met in its first half. Those teenagers are passionate about their lives, about what they want to do in the days ahead and they are not scared of taking risks. But as soon as they are about to end their graduations and post-graduations, move into jobs, the spark starts withering away. The first big decision is the kind of job people take. Many of them while very excited in the school and college days, end up taking just a comfortable job, good enough to live on, then get married, and slowly getting entrapped in the day to day fights of the life, completely forgetting the whole excitement life was about. Another poor soul gets trapped in another shell. This story continues till death.

If in the same life the focus is on winning and feeling the exhilaration and not on being just comfortable, the entire life will be different. The spark, the excitement you have during your school and graduation will be always inside you, you will do things that really make you excited, you will work to learn new things and not just to earn and sustain yourselves and your dependents, you will come across spectacular successes and shattering failures, but in the end your life will be one big achievement, A BIG WIN, which will be much richer than a comfortable life. Now this is a fete not everyone is able to get and this is also the only way that life can come full circle and anyone can complete the journey of learning and living, of having experiences. Otherwise life becomes like the second-half of Jab We Met, living a comfortable life without the spark and excitement of being alive.

Living life like this is way too much fun but also you will have days when you will feel down and beaten and that is the time when your support systems come into place. I recommend having a list of 10-15 people whom you can always bank upon, who will stand by you no matter what, with whom you have always shared your life, your true friends and well-wishers. And whenever you feel lost, take a look at the list and as you go along, you will remember the times spent with those people, the amazing moments shared, you will remember how beautiful life actually is and slowly you will start coming back to what you are supposed to be, bouncing back with full confidence and enthusiasm.

And on the guy on whose story I started this post, I don’t know him personally, maybe he went broke for some time after that store, but one thing I am sure of – This kind of a man can go broke, but can never go poor (to use the words of Robert Kiyosaki) and there is a big difference between both. These are the people who make themselves rich and stay rich because being excited and ready to go out of comfort zones is the way they make up life, not scared to lose and be humiliated, but always excited about being happy and winning!

Want to win, Stop Caring!

As I write this post, some personal experiences with people in my past life are running in my mind and I can’t help but stop and notice how those people were so successful in whatever they were doing. Be it their professional life or personal, business or job, relationship or just having fun, I can’t help but recognize a subtle and common charm in all of them, whatever they do. So what’s the rub here? They are all good people, successful, some self made and some enjoying the pedigree (you still have to be good enough to do that) but what makes them so?

NOT CARING – is the answer I got. Not caring about the results, about the outcome whether it’s going to be in your favour or not. Not caring about failures. Because the only thing those successful people are concerned with is – Winning. They don’t mind losing in order to win. They hate losing, but they don’t fear losing - which is a big differentiator. Experience makes you learn and lose, don’t take it to heart. A Punjabi phrase I learnt quite early on in my life from one such man is – “Parwaah Ni Karni”. These three words essentially mean that do what you like, be fearless, follow your heart and don’t care about anything else, be it people (saying things about you which don’t matter anyways), failures (make you ready for the next win) and even the result of what you are doing.

Let’s take a little example at this point. Say you are a Porsche enthusiast. You really, badly want a Porsche Carrere GT you would drive all over the city and make people crazy. Now if you are working to get it, every night you think of whether the other day you will be able to lay your hands on it, drive it, own it. But would it be the same case if you already owned the same Porsche. Would you think every night after parking it in your home whether you will be able to enjoy it the next day or not. Simply no, because you know it’s yours. You will be able to enjoy it as long as you want it. You don’t burden yourself then with unnecessary doubts and questions.

So if there are two rules I want to end this post on those are -

1.  ACT AS IF

Act as if you already own what you want, you already are what you want to be, you already have what you think should be yours. Acting in this way only will take you closer to where you belong and desire to be, to get the things which you want to attract into your life.

As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way you are right”!

2. BURY THE FEAR

Stop Caring about the result, about the humiliation, about the defeat because it’s not worth it, act to win. As you win, all the negativities, the criticisms, the bitter people fade away and what is left is just the happiness and excitement of winning and the company of people who stood by you to enjoy your success with. Always make the Excitement of Winning take over the Fear of Losing. 

To say it in business terms, learn to be a great Salesman. Learn to sell ice to an Eskimo. Learn to sell what you have in order to get what you want. Learning to Sell is one of the biggest contributions you can make to yourself – professionally as well as personally – because it gives a new perspective to achieving things without caring.

These things helped people successfully achieve what they wanted and they still keep doing it, I am learning the same ropes and results do show themselves. Hope you gain some benefit out of it too. Customize it, and make it work for yourself in whatever way you want, just go out and – WIN.